The Misadventures of Samantha and Malcolm/Chapter 7 Halloween

“Now remember your manners,” Jennifer Cummings said to her daughters as they approached the Martin house. Jaydee was wearing a black shirt and pants decorated with red Chinese writing and face paint that made her look somewhere between a tiger and a dragon. Natalie was wearing blue pants, her purple jacket, a pink fedora, carrying a ‘whip’ she had made out of a jump rope handle and different colored yarn. She insisted on being called “Indiana Punky.” Jennifer herself was wearing her pirate costume, black boots, black pants dark red shirt, long red coat, a wide brimmed hat, and an eye patch. She knocked on the door. An insanely buxom red head in a strapless red sequent gown answered the door. “You wanna come in or yah just lookin’ fer studs?” asked Alison. “Really,” asked Jennifer. “You went with Jessica Rabbit?” “Like Bialystok says, if yah got it, flaunt it,” Alison gestured them into the hall. The three visiting ladies entered the hall and then to the living room. Malcolm and Samantha were waiting for them. “Hello ma’ams we are happy to receive you, refreshments are in the kitchen,” said Malcolm and Samantha in unison. Samantha was wearing a black two piece suit with white pinstripes. Her hair was pulled back into one ponytail low on her head. Her face was painted bone white with black make up to exaggerate her eyes and a skeletal grin. Malcolm was wearing a metal barrel with panels on his body and a dome on his head with a big blue camera lens on the side and a large panel cut out of the front to expose his face. Some of the panels on his body were painted blue. Others had peripheral mechanical tools and manipulators protruding from them. “Oh, man! Are you R2-D2?” asked Natalie. Mrs. Cummings Made her way into the kitchen (and started listening in). “Are you Indiana Jones?” asked Malcolm. “No, I’m his daughter, Indiana Punky!” said Natalie. “What are you,” asked Samantha to Jaydee. “I am OniBuBu! Mistress of the Dark!” declared Samantha. “Jack Skellington, King of the pumpkin patch, welcomes you!” said Samantha. “So, what’s for snacks, Penny candy?” Natalie said. “Naw, it’s just chips and juice for now,” said Samantha. “We get our penny when we trick or treat.” “Hey, you two wouldn’t have some special way to tell the difference between the penny candy and the real candy?” asked Jaydee. “Well, the grown-ups have a UV light that makes the Penny candy stand out,” said Malcolm. “My dad tried to steal it one year, but the thing has some kind of proximity alarm on it or something. He warned me not to try. I looked into building one myself but I couldn’t get the parts.” “So, no way around it, huh?” asked Jaydee. “Nope, it’s their game, their rule,” said Malcolm. “And EL TORO FUERTE never breaks a rule!” announced Anthony as he (dressed as a luchador) and his new little brother Robert (dressed as Harry Potter) entered the room. Mr. Campbell followed close behind. He was wearing black boots, black leather jacket, black sunglasses, and he was carrying a mock up of an old fashioned shot-gun. “Hello ma’ams we are happy to receive you, refreshments are in the kitchen,” said Malcolm and Samantha in unison. This time Jet came down the stairs to greet the guests as well. He was dressed as a noir detective. “Jet,” said Mr. Campbell, “You really let your wife answer the door in that get up?” “What can I say,” said Jet with an accent right out of the movies, “dizzy dame’s got my heart pullin’ my head in every direction it knows it shouldn’t go.” He guided Mr. Campbell into the kitchen. “Oh, Malcolm,” said Natalie. “How did that little *wink wink* project turn out?” Malcolm shook his head (he had written her a secret message some time ago that he was going to try to build a spank-proof costume). “I finished my costume last week,” said Malcolm. Then two days ago, dad tells me he has to make a modification. What could I do? I let him have it, then this morning he shows me-” Jet poked his head in. “Repugnant,” Jet said. Malcolm’s suit clicked, whirled, then the back panel swung out on a hinge, exposing Malcolm’s clothed bottom. Everyone but Malcolm laughed. “Well I tried,” said Malcolm as he mashed his butt plate against the couch to close it. “What was that word again, Repugnant?” said an expectant Anthony, but nothing happened. “It only works when he said it,” said Malcolm. “Not only that, this rim here cuts into my stomach when Dad turns me over for a spanking, so this suit really aggravates corporal punishment.” “Let’s get some snacks,” said Robert, all the kids but Malcolm and Samantha proceeded to the kitchen. “Hey, Mal, Sam, you coming?” asked Natalie. “We have to receive the guests,” said Malcolm. “We can get snacks when everyone else gets here.” “Oh, I’ll bring you something,” said Natalie as she dashed into the kitchen. “Oh, isn’t that nice,” smarmed Samantha. “I wish I had a cute little brunette fetching my snacks.” Soon enough Natalie came back balancing two cups of juice on two plates of chips, one for each of the Martin siblings, thus forcing Samantha to eat her words. Natalie dashed back into the kitchen Soon enough, Raven in a blue shirt and waist length cape and Stevie in a white shirt and black vest entered (escorted by Raven’s father, Loki, dressed as Alan Moore’s ‘V’). “Hello sirs and ma’am we are happy to receive you, refreshments are in the kitchen,” said Malcolm and Samantha. “Aw! Awesome R2!” said Stevie. “Are you Baron Samedi?” asked Raven to Samantha. “Who is…I’m Jack Skellington. Who are you two?” asked Samantha. “I’m Han Solo,” said Stevie. “And I’m girl Lando Calrissian,” said Raven. “Who is Lando?” asked Samamtha. “He’s the one that betrayed Han and Leia to Vader,” said Malcolm. “Uh, oh,” said Stevie. “Betrayed?” asked a perturbed Raven. “Take that back, boy,” said Raven’s father. “What?” asked Malcolm. “He totally sold them out and he lost his station for it.” “Sold-out?” asked a riled Raven. “Here we go,” said Stevie. “Now you’ve done it,” said her father. “YOU LISTEN HERE, DROID BOY!” Raven grabbed him by one of his peripherals. “Lando had a whole station to look out for, A WHOLE STATION. That is about FIVE MILLION LIVES he had to balance against one guy. A guy, I might add, that lost Lando a FORTUNE in a spice raid because Han got all messed up over an ex-girlfriend. And every step of the way he was TRYING to keep his friend and his friends safe, he had NO IDEA what Vader was planning. It was VADER who betrayed his deal with Lando EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. Lando Calrissian is the perfect example of the black man getting cheated out of what was rightfully his by the WHITE MAN!” She let go of his costume and stormed into the kitchen, then poked her head back into the living room. “Oh! And who was it that destroyed the second Death Star?” she jabbed her thumbs toward her own head. “YUH! That’s right. Now where are the snacks?” She vanished into the kitchen. Her father and Stevie followed. “You were asking for that, kid,” said Mr. Darkstar. “Wow, what did we miss?” asked Alex. Malcolm and Samantha turned to find that Mr. Richards (dressed as a renaissance nobleman) had brought Alex and little Celia into the house. Alex was wearing a black suit with a ninja hood and striped cat ears and a tail. “Hello sirs and ma’am we are happy to receive you, refreshments are in the kitchen,” said Malcolm and Samantha. What are you?” asked Malcolm. “He’s a ninja tiger,” said Samantha. Alex pointed right at Samantha. “See,” he told his father, “she got it in one!” Malcolm looked down at Celia. She was wearing what was, by far, the tackiest ensemble he had ever seen in his life. It was a pink dress that was tight across the torso and really flouncy in the skirt with short puffy sleeves, the dress was decorated with a large lace heart upon the chest and the skirt had sequence making star shapes. She was wobbling on platform shoes and fishnet stockings. The cheap tiara did not go unnoticed. She was also wearing an inappropriately large amount of, lipstick, blush, and eye shadow. The eye shadow was more noticeable as it had run down her face, as if from tears (though Celia’s face was more annoyance than sorrow). “What are you,” asked Samantha, “the Disney princess of depression?” “I’m a child beauty pageant contestant,” admitted Celia. Mal laughed. “So you ARE the princess of sorrow?” asked Samantha. “Hey, wouldn’t that be a good way to punish Y-reps?” said Malcolm. “A beauty pageant.” “Dude!” Samantha was suddenly fearful. “Don’t even joke about that.” “Actually,” said Mr. Richards as he pulled Celia into the kitchen, “now that you mention it, that does sound like a rather interesting idea.” “Oh great job, dude,” said Celia. “My life is bad enough and you gotta go and give them ideas…” she vanished into the kitchen. “That’s everyone,” said Samantha. “I’m gonna go pester Celia with Jaydee.” She exited to the kitchen. “Love the droid thing. Hey, where’s Rinni?” asked Alex. “She’s not coming,” said Malcolm. Stevie walked up to them with a tray of chips. “Aw, that’s too bad,” said Alex. “Is she sick?” “Naw, conscientious objector,” said Stevie. “She’s just not a Halloween girl.” “How could anyone pass up a fancy dress opportunity?” asked Alex. “All I know is she did it for six years last cycle and she is still doing it to this day.” “Malcolm,” Samantha grabbed Malcolm by one of his peripherals, “come tell Jaydee that’s she’s a liar.” She pulled him out of the kitchen and into the living room up in front of a waiting Jaydee. “Tell her that it is totally possible to do a sit up in less than half a second.” “Oh, you mean the atomic sit up?” asked Malcolm. “Yeah, that’s what she called it,” said Samantha. “Oh, it’s impossible,” said Malcolm. “What?” said Samantha. “Well, between the time it takes the ears to send the signal to the brain to the time it takes the brain to process the signal to the time it takes the abdominal muscles to contract-” Samantha shut him up with a shove. “You’re useless,” she said. “Alright, let’s do this.” She started shooing the partygoers out of the immediate area. “Take notes folks, I’m about to prove science wrong,” she bragged. “Malcolm, hold my legs.” She lay down on the floor. “Alright, here, get in the zone,” Natalie said as she placed a handkerchief over Samantha’s face. “Ladies and Gentlemen,” Natalie announced (mimicking a 1900’s announcer she had seen in a movie), “We present Samantha Martin, attempting feats of physical ability ne’er before accomplished by any human form. Ms. Martin, are you ready?” Samantha raised a thumb. On the count of three I will remove the handkerchief and you will have (someone time this) half of one second to sit up. One…Two…THREE!” she whipped off the handkerchief and Samantha rocketed up. Straight into Jaydee’s bare butt. Samantha’s head bounced back to the floor and she covered her face in her hands and went: “AAAUUUUUUUUUGH!” The whole room was laughing. It was a miracle that they hadn’t started laughing when Jaydee had stepped over her and lowered her pants while Samantha’s face had been covered. Jaydee, pulled up her pants and turned down to Samantha. “Remember that game of PP&C,” said Jaydee. Samantha took her hands off her face and sighed. “Even?” asked Samantha. “Even,” said Jaydee as she offered her hand to help Samantha up. “Oh,” Raven tapped Malcolm on his shoulder, “Malcolm, sorry for yelling at you and grabbing you and all that,” she said. “It’s okay, I just wish you hadn’t grabbed the robot part that used to be an catheter off of a medical scanner.” Raven went wide eyed. Her father laughed “It’s a joke, Raven. He’s just getting you back from yelling at him,” said Mr. Darkstar. “No, I’m not,” said Malcolm. “You aren’t?” asked Mr. Darkstar. “I’m going to go wash my hands,” said Raven.