The Misadventures of Samantha and Malcolm/Chapter 11 April Fools

Disclaimer: This story features vague references to corporal punishment. ''Author’s note: I would like to thank (in alphebetical order) Loki_Darksong, RedDragon, RougeBFL, and Toyloli for their collaboration on this effort. Integrating their suggestions into my work was a little more fun than I thought it would be.'' Amber, Rinni, and Raven sat in a circle in Raven’s room, all clad in pyjamas. Raven set down the ninth card in her eleven card cross. “The rules are simple but the execution is complicated,” said Rinni. “Everyone gets one free harmless prank on any penny, parent, or even teacher, and if he or she admits to it, they don’t get spanked for it.” “The Rain...” said Raven as she put down another card. “What’s the complicated card, I mean part, what’s the complicated part?” asked Amber. “Everyone has a different definition of what ‘harmless’ means,” said Rinni. “Physical harm is right out, along with property damage, but then there’s the question of whether some one's feelings are hurt.” “The Mirror...” said Raven as she put down the last card in the cross. “And you don’t confess that it was your prank, every penny who could have pulled it off gets paddled. Guilty until proven innocent.” “Hm, this might not be good,” said Raven. “What was that?” asked Rinni. When Raven had offered to do a Clow Card reading for Rinni, Rinni had jocularly asked the cards ‘Will I marry Anthony?’ “Come on girls,” said Raven, “gather round.” Rinni and Amber flanked Raven and turned their attention to the cards in front of them. “First we have the Voice card,” said Raven “It means you have something to say to Anthony.” No surprise there, thought Rinni. “Next is the Return card,” said Raven. “You want to take things back to the way they were.” What penny doesn’t, thought Rinni. “Next is the Lock card. It signifies the obstacle between you and Anthony. The fact that you are both Penitatas status is the big obstacle keeping you from going where you want to go.” Rinni rubbed on of the ‘P’s on the back of her palms. “The Wood card crowns you. You have a forest of aid to choose from.” Does she mean all the parents I’ve had in my last cycles? “The Cloud is your resource card. What you have looks solid, but it can be as untouchable as a cloud.” What’s that suposed to mean? thought Rinni. “The Sleep card is your past. You let your real self sleep for so long. Now you are finally waking up to the people around you.” Rinni thought about how Steven helped her get used to socializing with people last cycle. “The Create card is your future. You will have the opportunity to create your own path.” Rinni thought about her plans to add some advanced courses to her school classes later this cycle. “The Firey card is you. It symbolizes your inner passions and great desires.” Rinni thought about all of those impulses she had buried deep in herself. “The Bubble card signifies your environment. You are cleaning up your ways.” Yeah, and hoping to high heaven I don’t slip up again. “The hopes and fears on you mind are symbolized by the Rain card. You are afraid that all you have done can be washed away. Whoa, I was just thinking that. “Finally, the outcome of you question is in the Mirror card.” “What does that mean?” asked Rinni. “The Mirror has two sides,” explained Raven. “Your time with Anthony could go either way as well.” “That’s it?” asked Rinni. “All that and I only get a ‘Meh, Maybe?’” “Hm, you know, I think I have something that can help you,” Raven bounced across the room and opened a drawer in her dresser. “I picked this up last cycle when on the family vacation to Ryūgū-jō City. Actually I won it in a toss prize at a temple festival. DAH! Here it is.” she produced an ornate cloth pouch with Japanese writing on one side. She held it out to Rinni on by the string. “This will open the paths of your hearts to each other. But I warn you Rinni, this might not fix things...” “What do you mean?” asked Rinni. “Wear this on your person the next time you see him,” instructed Raven, “and you will learn beyond the shadow of a doubt if you are right or wrong for each other.” Rinni hesitated, but she still took the charm. “I think Mom said yes because she likes the idea of spanking us if we mess up,” said Malcolm as he pulled on the rag, confirming it was secure. “What about your Dad?” asked Jaydee as she poured the chemical mixture into the spray can. “He okay-ed it after he made us watch a program on the history of April fools day pranks,” said Malcolm. “I think he wanted us to understand what was and was not appropriate. There was one guy named Louis Carter. He thought it would be funny to make something that looked like a bomb but when the timer went off a harmless little cuckoo bird popped out instead of an explosion.” “How’d that go?” asked Jaydee. “Teacher found it and called the bomb squad, evacuated the school, big public panic,” said Malcolm. “They called an assembly to cane his butt, and then he got sent to penny court.” “Hurn,” said Jaydee. “But,” said Malcolm as he sprayed the rag with batch eight, “so long as you use common sense you should be fine. Whoopee cushion: fine. Tack on the chair: paddling. Fake snake in the peanut jar: fine. Spray paint profanity: paddling.” He pulled on the rag and it gave way. “Nope, no good,” said Malcolm. “It’s still staining. Next batch.” “You know the whole thing goes back to Persia,” said Alex as he unscrewed the shower faucet while his father held the ladder. “Really?” asked his father. “Yeah, I looked it up,” said Alex. “On the thirteenth day of their new year they would play jokes on each other during the celebration of their spring ceremony, Sizdah Be-Dar.” “What kind of jokes did they play?” asked his father. “Well I don’t know, to book I read wasn’t specific.” Alex dropped three pink capsules into the chamber of the faucet. “The pranks were kind of the side activities of the rituals that were meant to get rid of bad luck by putting it in a doll and throwing the doll away.” Their parents had been very accommodating in taking them to school early to set it up. Now that it was all done, Jaydee, Natalie, Samantha, and Malcolm were just sitting on the swing set under the supervision of Mrs. Martin and Cummings. Soon enough, they saw Mrs. Richards and Alex coming around the bend, and Mrs. Richards was wearing a very large, blue, wide brimmed hat held in place with a scarf. The pennies joined them and proceeded towards the school. All the kids guessed that something was up with that hat and they all got the idea at the same time to make it the central topic of conversation. “That’s a nice hat, Mrs. Richards,” commented Samantha. “Thank you Sammie,” said Mrs. Richards as she grabbed her son by the wrist and quickened her stride. the pennies picked up as well. “May I try it on?” asked Natalie. “No,” said Mrs. Richards. “Why not?” asked Natalie. “Yeah, Mom, Why can’t they try it on?” asked Alex. “Because they’re too small,” said Mrs. Richards abruptly. “No they’re not, anyone can wear a hat,” insisted Alex as they all passed inside the door to the school. “I wanna try it on too,” said Jaydee. “Yeah, me too,” said Samantha. “It’s just for grown-ups!” said Mrs. Richards as she yanked Alex into the class room. Only Steven and Raven were there so far. Ms. Fesse looked up from her desk. “Hey,” said Alison. “I’m a grown up!” She snatched the hat, pushed it forward on Mrs. Richard’s head, and yanked it off scarf and all. Eri Richard’s pink hair tumbled down onto her shoulders. “ALISON!” shrieked Eri. “GIVE ME THAT BACK!” she chased Alison around the room and out the door. “Be good kids!” said Alison quickly before she disappeared out the door followed by an enraged, pink haired woman. “How did you get her hair pink?” Malcolm asked Alex. “Simple,” said Alex. “I just dropped some dye capsules into the chamber of the faucet in the shower. My dad helped me. I figure next year I’ll prank him with mom’s help and alternate years until the last year when I’ll trick the both of them into pranking each other.” “Aw, cool man...” Malcolm’s voice trailed off as he looked beyond Alex and saw Natalie at her cubby...holding a Red File. THEY KNOW! he thought. OMIGODMIGOD! Trespassing on the Principal's office WAS a crime! “I’ll take that,” Aunt Jen plucked the Red file from Natalie’s hands, opened it, and went: “Hm this is bad...” Malcolm, Samantha, and Jaydee all dashed to their own cubbies and checked. Each of them had Red Files as well. “Mm,” continued Aunt Jen, “we don’t have a woodshed but we may have to build one after this.” All four kids started to sniffle. “Mommmeeeee,” said Jaydee. “I mean just look at this,” Aunt Jen turned the paper from the file to face the children. Upon which was written APRIL FOOLS in multi-color letters. “THAT WAS MINE!” declared Steven. The four children breathed a sigh of relief. “That wasn’t funny man!” said Malcolm. “It was pretty funny,” said Ms. Fesse. “She was in on it,” said Raven. “I got it first.” “Hey,” said Samantha. “You can’t prank more than one person.” “Unless I say otherwise,” said Ms. Fesse. “Which I do.” “RAVEN DARKSONG!” shrieked a very young voice from the hallway. Rinni furiously marched into class with her mother close behind, and held up a small pouch before Raven’s face. “Do you know what happened when I crossed the threshold of school with THIS attached to my backpack?” said Rinni, it was more of a demand than a question. “I can just imagine,” Raven grinned. “I WAS STOPPED BY SECURITY!” declared Rinni. “The school computers registered this bag as irregular media.” “Oh, did the guard spank you,” said Raven. “No, once he opened the pouch and found the little data card with APRIL FOOLS written on the cover he was quite understanding after he confirmed that there was no data on the card...So...Do you have ANYTHING to say for yourself?” “Yes I do,” said Raven. “The Mirror card doesn’t denote two sides, it’s self reflection. It means the in the end, you are going to look back on who you are, who you are now, and who you want to be.” “Well I’m going to be focusing on this day VERY HARD,” said Rinni. She dropped the pouch on Raven’s desk and stomped over to her cubby. “April fools day is a myth, everybody knows its just one big bad-EEEEE!” she had opened her cubby to find a red file. Once the first few jokes were laughed off, the rest of the day proceeded much as any other day. There was a bit of a break when Anthony somehow managed to get a whoopee cushion onto Ms. Fesse’s chair, but otherwise things went the same until the intercom sounded: “WILL THE STUDENTS RESPONSIBLE FOR *giggle* INCAPACITATING MS. PERSKOVA PLEASE REPORT TO THE FRONT OFFICE.” “That’s us!” said Jaydee as she leaped from her chair. Natalie, Samantha, and Malcolm followed her. “We’ll be right back,” said Samantha as they proceeded out the door. They walked proudly down the hall to Perskova’s office. Ms. White greeted the kids in the waiting area. “Back so soon?” she asked. A black penny boy with a bald head (about nine years old, maybe) followed them in. “Hello again, Demis,” Ms White addressed the newcomer. “Hey,” said the boy. “How did you prank her?” he asked the other kids. “You’ll see-HEEE!” sang Samantha. The secretary opened the door and all five entered. Ms Perskova was standing in her private bathroom in front of the sink. As the kids drew closer they saw that she had her right hand on the faucet handle and her left hand on the mirror. she turned her head towards them without moving her hands. “Mm, Mm, Mm,” said Samantha. “Can’t pull herself away from the mirror. There’s a word for that you know; Narcissism.” “So this is all your doing?” she accused. “Yup,” said Jaydee. “Guilty you honor,” said Malcolm. “You put instant glue on my faucet and mirror?” asked the principal. “Nope no we did not,” said Natalie. “That would count as two pranks.” “Yeah we switched your soap bottle for one filled with glue,” explained Malcolm. “How did you get in here to do that?” asked the principal. “You’re asking an alliance espionage agent how she broke into an elementary school?” asked Natalie. Hours ealier: ''“Ms. White,” said Natalie, “if you let us play a prank on Perskova we promise we will never prank you.”'' “Deal,” said Ms. White. “Very well,” said Perskova, “Now it’s time for you to GET ME OFF OF HERE!” “Will do,” said Malcolm. He moved the footstool over to the sink, stood upon it, produced a small spray bottle from his pocket, and applied it to the Principal’s left hand, then her right hand. Soon she was peeling her hands off of the appliances. “What is that stuff?” asked Perskova. Jaydee was switching the soap bottle with glue in it for the one with soap. “We had to make it ourselves,” said Samantha. “We couldn’t find a glue and glue remover combination that wouldn’t stain clothes so we mixed up our own in our garage.” “What’s all this ‘we’ stuff,” said Malcolm, “I did all the hard work. Mixing and testing ten different varieties of glue and twenty three different varieties of remover. All you did was sit around and look pretty.” “Which I did better than you will ever be able to do it,” said Samantha, snidely. “And what did you do Demis?” she asked the fifth child. “Oh, you haven’t found it yet,” said Demis. He started for the exit. “Call me when you find it. Nice job with the glue though, that was pretty sweet,” he left. “All of you,” the principal said to the four remaining children. “Out. Now.” They obeyed. “Hey kids,” addressed Ms. White. “Yes,” they answered in unison (somewhat). “Something I want to know,” said the secretary. “If you’re four kids, and you get four pranks between you, why did you only prank one person?” There was a moment of silence while the pennies thought over her words. Then Malcolm slapped himself in the head and the three girls groaned together. “Why didn’t we think of that!” cried Malcolm as the four left the office and walked down the hall with the girls. “We could have pranked three more people!” “We’ll get them next year,” said Jaydee. “Yeah next year I’m totally gluing the Phys Ed coach to his balls,” said Malcolm. Everyone burst out laughing. “I didn’t even mean to do that!” said Malcolm. They finally entered their classroom. There was a strange adult present. She was about sixty and her grey was pulled into a tight bun. She had placed a large album on the teacher’s desk and all of the other students had gathered around it. Ms. Fesse was on the other side of the room, with her face buried in her hand and breathing in great heaves. “But since the teacher was carrying a tablet console into the room, the water bucket soaked the thing and little Harrietta got her poor little bottom paddled she did. And here she is coming home, rubbing her sore little botty.” “Hey, Rinni,” Malcolm tapped Rinni on the shoulder. “Who’s she?” “Oh,” said Rinni, “she’s Ms. Fesse’s Mother from her last time as a volunteras.” “What’s she doing here?” asked Malcolm. “Oh I sent her a text asking if she wanted to come in today,” grinned Rinni. “You called her mom?” Samantha was shocked. “That’s not a prank, that’s chemical warfare!” “I thought you didn’t believe in April Fools day,” said Natalie. “Well, I wasn’t about to pass up an opportunity to embarrass Ms. Fesse as much as I could. Demis Winston sat before Ms Perskova in her office. “Well, Mister Winston,” said the Principal, “I have been up and down my office with a fine toothed comb. And I have found absolutely NO sign of wrongdoing on your part. I have therefore come a conclusion.” Demis smiled. “You didn’t do anything to my office,” said the principal. “Nope,” said Demis. “You just wanted me to waste my time looking for a trick,” said Perskova. “Yup,” said Demis. “Get out,” said the principal. Demis skipped out of her office humming ‘Once A Year Day.’ “I fucking hate this day,” said Perskova.