The Misadventures of Samantha and Malcolm/Chapter 12 The Problems with Talula

BOMP! BOMP! BOMP! BOMP! “Which band is that?” asked Jaydee. “It’s the Overchargers,” said Samantha. “This is their song, ‘Ferrocrete Fists.’” “How can you tell that?” asked Malcolm. “All I can hear is a base line.” “That’s a baseline?” asked Natalie. “I thought someone was testing a sledgehammer pogo stick.” With homework finished and double checked before submission to Mom, Samantha, Jaydee, Natalie, and Malcolm had one half hour of Saturday afternoon to play before Aunt Jen would come to take home her girls. All four had congregated in Samantha and Malcolm’s room. They had started playing with stuffed animals, but the topic of conversation quickly turned to the loud party emanating from next door. “Are someone’s parents out of town?” asked Jaydee. “That’s the Setter house,” said Samantha, “They just moved in. It’s their house warming party.” “Don’t suppose we could score an invite,” said Jaydee. “We were invited,” said Samantha, “Dad turned them down.” “Oh, do pennies have to earn parties or something?” asked Natalie. “Well, I don’t think Dad likes them very much,” said Samantha. “Yeah,” agreed Malcolm. “I think it’s because their V is a loli,” said Samantha. “What’s a loli?” asked Jaydee. “A loli is a voluntaras girl who gets to have sex,” said Samantha. “WHAT!” Jaydee and Natalie yelled, wide-eyed. “Rejuves can have sex?!” “Well not ALL of them, and it’s not the kind of thing you write home about,” said Samantha, “But it does happen.” “Yeah and the laws are kind of complicated,” said Malcolm. “They can only have sex if they want to. “You see if you want to engage in sexual conduct as a rejuve, you have to sign a consent form before you get rejuved and while you are over the age of consent. You can only engage in erotic play with a maximum of two people who need to sign the form too. And the Voluntaras can nullify the form any time she wants. If she ever says no and the Adult says yes, it’s rape.” “And they’re called lolis?” asked Natalie. “After the Nabokov novel Lolita?” it was more of a statement than a question. “That’s just typical, even when we’re children we’re temptresses. Men love the idea that they’re noble bastions of morality and no matter what age a woman is, she is Eve with the apple, seducing them into folly. Yeah, it’s our fault men are horndogs.” “Only the girls are called lolis,” said Samantha, “the boys are called shotas.” “But that’s not a name you call them to their face,” interjected Malcolm. “Just letting you know. It’s not a swear but people find it offensive.” “Hey, wait a minute, if our parents are our controlling guardians or something, could they sign us up for that without our consent,” asked Jaydee. “Nope,” answered Samantha. “Never getting bad touched is one of the few rights we have.” “Yeah, it’s like the first right we have,” said Malcolm as he opened the drawer of the nightstand. He extracted a book with a hard plastic cover. “Here, it’s a list of the rights we have as pennies.” “We have a book like this in our room,” said Natalie as Jaydee flipped through it. “Penny parents are required by law to keep this available to pennies at all times,” said Samantha. “In fact if you are about to get a spanking and ask for this book, they must hold off the spanking long enough to get this book for you and let you look through it.” “That sounds like that would get you a worse spanking after you pulled it,” said Natalie. “Yeah it totally did,” Samantha said as she rubbed her bottom ruefully. “List of acceptable implements…” said Jaydee as she flipped through the book, “List of approved positions…right to comprehensive medical care… wait what’s this?” Jaydee pointed out a passage. “Oh that all means that there must be one layer of clothing between penny and parent at all times,” said Malcolm. “It means you can’t, like put on short shorts or wear nothing but a short robe and spank a naked penny. No skin contact except the palm to bottom.” “Yeah but, that rule isn’t followed to the letter,” said Samantha. “I mean I’ve been to the pool and a penny mom didn’t think twice about hauling her girl over her knee while she was in a bikini.“ “But if a parent made a habit of it there would be a problem,” argued Malcolm, “especially if the parent and child were different genders.” Malcolm thought he heard something. “Hey, do you hear that?” asked Samantha. “That tapping?” asked Malcolm. “I hear it too,” said Jaydee, she set the book aside and all four pennies followed the sound of the tapping into the guest bedroom. A pebble struck the window facing the Setter household. They looked out it. Across the fence, standing on the flat roof of the one story garage of the Setter house was a five year old white girl with short green hair and purple bangs wearing a blue dress with a frilly white pinafore. She was standing next to an extend-o ladder (a ladder which can extend from anywhere between two feet to twenty feet with the touch of a button) and wielding a handful of pebbles. “Who is that?” asked Jaydee. “That’s Talula,” said Samantha, “she’s the voluntaras we were telling you about.” “What are you doing?” asked Malcolm from the closed window (the house was far from sound proof). “I’m sneaking you guys into the party,” said Talula as she dropped the pebbles and extended the ladder to what she thought was a good length for the task. “Here, open the window and catch this.” She started easing the ladder from a vertical position down towards the window. “NO!” cried all the pennies. “Just take the ladder,” Talula continued, heedless of the pennies pleading Jaydee grabbed Samantha. “WE GOTTA GET YOUR MOM!” yelled Jaydee, remembering all too well her first day’s penny lessons. The two dashed out the door. “STOP! I CAN’T OPEN THE WINDOWS!” screamed Malcolm. “THEY HAVE ALARMS THAT GO OFF IF WE TRY!” “What?” asked Talula, “oh don’t tell-WHoa WHAT! WHAAA!” as she had lost control of the ladder and it began to fall towards the window. Natalie grabbed Malcolm and yanked him out of the way just before the top of the ladder cashed into the house. It bounced off the window (thanks to the engineered durability of ‘Dietrich’s Rhino Glass’), the force of which caused the foot of the ladder to slide backward several feet. The top of the ladder slipped off the window sill and came crashing down on the fence between the houses with a resounding CRACK! Alison burst into the room soon followed by Jaydee and Samantha, all gazed at the scene wide eyed. Alison stepped up to the scratched window and gazed out at Talula. “Oops,” said Talula. The party was basically over at that point and the guests made their way to their cars. Thornton and Magnolia Setter came out to profusely apologize for the actions of their daughter. Eventually Aunt Jen came by. The children gave their accounts of the events and so the five adults gathered in the living room of the Martin household to discuss the final outcome of the event. The five children were left to wait for a verdict in the children’s bedroom. Malcolm and Natalie sat on Malcolm’s bed. Samantha and Jaydee sat on Samantha’s bed. Talula was sitting at Malcolm’s desk with the chair turned towards the beds. “Everybody’s thinking it, I’m just sayin’ it” said Samantha, breaking the silence, “the meat grinders.” Everyone shivered. “I’m almost afraid to ask,” said Jaydee, “but what are the meat grinders?” “Wow, you really fell off the turnip truck,” said Talula. “The meat grinders,” said Samantha “are what we call the spankmasters set up at the board of corrections building. Pennies get sent to them for ‘special punishments.’ I got sent twice last cycle. Once for throwing a lamp at a wall during a temper tantrum, and once for breaking a boy’s nose on the playground. Afterwards, your bottom looks like raw meat.” Talula jumped onto the bed and grabbed Malcolm’s left arm. “You’ll protect me,” she asked, “won’t you Malcolm?” “What?” asked a shocked Malcolm. Natalie grabbed a hold of his other arm. “You got INTO this mess,” Natalie said as she pulled hard on Malcolm’s arm, failing to break Talula’s grip. “That’s why I need PROTECTION!” Said Talula as she hauled on Malcolm’s arm. “You need a good SPANKING!” said Natalie as she yanked on his arm again. “ENOUGH!” commanded Malcolm, he managed to hide his surprise when both girls obeyed him. “Talula,” said Malcolm, “You endangered all of our lives and destroyed part of our house. You have no hugging rights here,” he shook her loose of his arm and pointed to the corner of the room. “Go and stand in the corner.” “Awww,” said Talula, “no fai-” “NOW!” barked Malcolm. “Yessir,” said Talula. She hastily hopped off the bed, took her place in the corner, and put her hands behind her back. “Wow,” said Samantha, clearly stunned. “You were like…challenging Dad.” “CHILDREN,” called Jet, “come down here now.” All the children obeyed, but Natalie held Talula back until all the others had left. “Just in case you haven’t got this yet, Malcolm is MY man,” said Natalie. Then she followed the others. If her ears were a bit keener, she might have heard Talula whisper: “Not for long.” Mr. Thornton Setter was a man of middle age and medium build, his black hair was slicked back, making his receded hair line look (Malcolm thought) like a pair of horns. Samantha thought he looked like the kind of man who would accept no excuse for failure, no matter how sound. Magnolia Setter, by contrast was a younger woman with long blonde hair and dewy eyes. Samantha thought she looked like the kind of woman that spent time in fields making daisy chains. Malcolm noticed that she was paying a lot of attention to Mr. Setter, as if at any moment he may give her an order. Natalie noticed that in the presence of her parents, Talula also seemed more frigid. Aunt Jen and Mommy sat on the couch. Mrs. Setter sat on the chair with Talula held firmly in her lap, her husband hovering behind the chair. The other four children stood before Jet. Most of them had noticed the twin hairbrushes laying on the coffee table. “Children,” said Jet, “we have reviewed your statements, the audio records and the physical evidence and we find no great discrepancy. After that we talked with Mr. and Mrs. Setter about the events and negotiated the final resolution.” He turned to Jaydee and Samantha. “The first thing on a penny’s mind when ever there is trouble should always be to get a grown-up. As such you two will not be punished.” “Please say that again,” said Samantha. “You two will not be punished,” said Jet. “Oh, yeah,” sighed Samantha. “Malcolm and Natalie, however, were not so diligent. As such, protocol demands that they be punished.” Malcolm and Natalie gasped. Malcolm’s mind was mad with emotion, from the guilt of having been too struck by the sheer bone-headedness of Talula to how screamingly unfair it was that losing his head for a period of seconds condemned them both. If only he had taken Natalie to get Mom too… Alison and Jen had taken up the hairbrushes in their hands. “Malcolm,” said Alison, “take down your pants.” “You too, Natalie,” ordered Jen. All of Malcolm’s emotions exploded out of his mouth. “GIVE ME NATALIE’S!” he screamed. The room was in shock. “Malcolm,” Alison finally said, “What do you mean?” “…Give…me my spanking…and Natalie’s spanking,” said Malcolm. Alison held up a hand to her open mouth. She looked at Jet, but he shook his head. “Malcolm,” Jet said, “punishments cannot be transferred, no matter the circumstances. Now both of you take down your pants.” Malcolm and Natalie stepped up to their respective mommies. He undid his button and zipper, his pants fell to his ankles. She undid the button on her skirt, it collapsed around her. His pushed his blue briefs to his ankles. Her pink panties fell to her ankles. Mommy and Aunty Jen pulled their respective convicts over their knees. Malcolm’s naked bottom rested under Alison’s right arm. Natalie’s half naked form rested under Jen’s left. The children looked each other in the eye. They reached out and joined hands. Twin hair brushes came down upon the poor children. Their grip on each other’s hands tightened. *SPANK! SPANK!* the spanking continued, more or less in sync with each other. Malcolm let out a whine, then a full cry. *SPANK! SPANK!* Natalie soon followed. *SPANK! SPANK!* Their legs kicked, their heads bucked, but nothing could stop the twin beats of those cruel brushes. *SPANK! SPANK!* Both children were bawling apologies through their sobs by the time their mommies were done with them. The parents set to putting Malcolm and Natalie’s clothes back in order. Afterward, Alison and Jen held the boy and girl in their respective laps. “That is all the punishment they deserve for this incident,” said Jet. “YOU on the other hand, Talula,” he turned toward the guest, “have MUCH to answer for.” The volutaras shuddered. Jaydee and Samantha slipped onto the couch and took up the space between Alison and Jennifer. Mr. Setter stepped in front of his daughter. “Words cannot convey my disappointment,” he said. Talula started crying. “Know that this is only the first of what will be many more, and worse, punishments to come. Now stand up.” She obeyed. Mr. Setter went down on one knee and started undressing her. Malcolm remembered seeing a period drama where an officer was removed from the military and his commanding officer striped the decorations from his uniform. That’s what this scene reminded Malcolm of. Mr. Thornon was dressing down his daughter with prejudice. Finally Talula was down to her socks and shoes. “Magnolia, restrain her,” ordered Mr. Setter. Mrs. Setter turned Talula around and bent her over her lap, parallel to her legs. Talula wrapped her arms around her ‘mother’s’ waist and Magnolia gripped the voluntaras by her upper arms. Jet opened up the ottoman, and extracted a pair of Malcolm and Samantha’s most severe canes. He handed one to Thornton. “I think this occasion calls for eighteen of the best,” said Thornton. “Twelve from Mr. Martin, and six from myself.” Malcolm had been keeping secret his fascination with the cane and the marks it left behind. He was rather ashamed to be developing such a morbid interest. In this case, however, he allowed himself to indulge. After all, Talula had just gotten him and his girl the hairbrush in addition to the property damage. Compared to other punishments he had witnessed (which he could argue, often seemed disproportionately severe) this punishment seemed entirely fitting. Jet took his place and tapped the cane on Talula’s bottom to get a feel for distance, then brought down the cane in one hard stroke. Talula howled in pain. When Malcolm was a kindern some other kid had once told him that you didn’t feel the second stroke through the pain of the first stroke. It was a lie. Talula shrieked again, writhing in vain against her mother’s grip. The red marks were starting to set into the top half of her bottom. “sssSSSHHHHEAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOOOOOW *gasp*ooooooooow!” Jet stepped away, and Thornton took his place. He tapped his cane on Talula’s left upper thigh. The cane came down with more force than Jet used. “DAAAADEEEEEEEEEE!” shrieked Talula. “NOOOOOOOOAAAAAAWW!” she kicked her legs up involuntarily. Thornton switched sides and laid them on in the same sequence. “DAAADEEEEEE!*gasp* NOMOAAAR!” “PLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASE!*gasp*” “BWAHAAAAAAAA!” she continued to bawl and gasp for a bit after the final stroke. By then the marks were a brutal shade of red. Twelve stripes to her bottom, three on each leg. Talula had some time standing in the corner to composer herself, during which Mr. Setter and Jet worked out the preliminary details about how Mr. Setter would pay Jet for the repairs. Eventually, Talula was allowed to emerge and apologize (though she was still not allowed clothes). “I’m *sniff* sorry I didn’t listen to you Malcolm,” she said to the boy as the children gathered around her. “I’m sorry I got you spanked.” “a-HEM,” said Natalie. “Oh, right. You too,” said Talula. Natalie’s eyes narrowed. Talula stepped over to Jet and Alison. “I’m very sorry for damaging your house and wrecking your fence. Thank you for giving me the spanking I deserve.” Magnolia gathered up her daughter’s clothes and Mr. Setter gathered up Talula under one arm and the three returned to their house. “I’m sorry you spanked,” Malcolm said to Natalie, rubbing his own bottom. “Hey,” said Natalie rubbing her bottom, “don’t be sorry. I place the blame for all of this squarely on Talula’s bottom. And that’s not all that I’d place on it if I ever get my hands on her.” Three weeks later, a moderately cloudy sky looked down on Samantha and Malcolm in the back yard. “They were the bad guys!” insisted Malcolm as he leaned against the tree and went over a text of updated item enhancements for Age of Legends Chibi (he was planning on creating a double barrel blunderbuss that would electrify its shots). “The templars spent years slaughtering people for the unforgivable crime of not being Christian. You would know this if you didn’t learn history from bad hologames.” “No,” said Samantha, “The templars were framed for crimes by the pope because he wanted to cover up that they had proof that Jesus had sex with Mary Magdalene and by extension, it is okay for people to have sex. So…” Samantha reached out and flicked his ear. Malcolm looked past Samantha toward the house. “Hi, mom,” he said. Samantha whirled around in shock. By the time she realized that her mother was not there, Malcolm had licked his finger and inserted it into her ear. “yiIIIIII!” Samantha jumped and squealed. Then she turned back to her brother, grabbed the text out of this hand and ran. “Gimmee that back!” said Malcolm as he gave chase. “Run! Run! Run as fast as you can,” mocked Samantha as she evaded him. “You can’t catch me I’m –dGAH!” she tripped over her own feet and came down face first onto the back step. “HAH,” declared Malcolm in triumph as he snatched the text from where she dropped it. Samantha turned herself over and the boy was terrified to see a forehead wound streaming a steady trickle of blood down her face. They both started screaming. Mommy came bursting out of the house. “SAMANTHA!” she cried. Mommy quickly produced a handkerchief and pressed it against her convict-daughter’s forehead. “Did you push her?” mommy demanded from Malcolm. “NO! I didn’t.” said Malcolm. “No, he didn’t,” said Samantha through tears. “I was running and I fell mommy ithurtsithuuuuuuurts.” Alison gathered up the wounded child and rushed her inside. She grabbed the first aid kit from under the kitchen sink and spilled the contents onto the table. She sat Samantha on the table and quickly began fumbling through the procedure for bandaging a head wound. “Okay….okay…okay…first we…Just keep holdin’ that there, no take that away and put this stuff on first and then…apply one of these bandages…” she was clearly panicking. As Malcolm watched he became more agitated. Once a basic bandage was in place, Alison scanned a protocol text on what to do next. “Okay,” she announced to Malcolm and a sniffling Samantha. “Now I need to take you down to the doctor,” she gathered up Samantha in her arms and headed for the car. “Uh, Malcolm. You go over to Aunt Maggie’s, oh wait I’ll just take you there… Alison rang the doorbell. When there was no immediate answer she started ringing it continuously. Soon Talula answered. “Talula,” said Alison with a still sniffling Samantha in her arms and Malcolm at Mommy’s leg, “SamantahurtherselfI needtogethertothedoctorcanyouandMaggiewatchMalcolmforabityouknowwhattodothankyou!” Alison dashed back to the car, leaving Malcolm at the door. Malcolm watched the car screech out of the drive way and rocket away. He turned back to the door. Talula was wearing a pink t-shirt and a purple medium length skirt. “Well, don’t just stand there,” said the girl, “Com on in.” Malcolm obeyed. Talula led him from the foyer into the living room. “Wanna play games?” she asked as she opened up the ottoman, revealing hologame controllers. “Wha…wait,” said Malcolm. “What?” asked Talula. “I…I’m sorry but I just…I can’t game when my sister is on the way to the emergency room,” said Malcolm. “Oh, she’ll be fine,” said Talula. “Head wounds just bleed like crazy. Here, feel under here.” She offered the top of her head to him and pointed to a specific spot. He felt a scar underneath her hair. “I whacked my head on a table corner and it was just like…a river. Quick patch was all I needed. It’s no big deal. Aly’s just over reacting” “You…call my mom Aly?” asked Malcolm, as he climbed onto the couch. “Well that’s what my mom calls her,” said Talula as she pulled herself onto the couch. “They know each other when Aly was into the whole dungeon scene.” “She…she what?” asked Malcolm. “Oh yeah,” said Talula, “They both went through sub training together under my Dad.” “Whoa!” Malcolm was slightly shocked. “I mean, I knew from the way my parents talk that that kind of thing was going on…but…you have to be trained to be…spanked?” “Oh it’s not just spanking,” said Talula. “It’s a whole lifestyle. It’s about one side pleasing and teasing and the other side agreeing to be pleased and be teased.” She nudged him in the side. “And don’t tell me you aren’t getting any ideas.” Malcolm blushed. “Any way,” she continued “Dad actually recommended to her that she drop out for a while and get her head together because she was like crazy too into things, and then she went off and some big tragic thing happened with another dom and she got her head together and hooked up with Jet and now things are cool. But she can’t like get back into the life because Penny parents can’t or don’t or something like that.” “Really,” said Malcolm. “Hey, where is your mom?” “She’s...just out for a walk, she’ll be back like in no time,” said Talula. “Oh, no,” said Malcolm. “I’m a penny I can’t be unsupervised.” “Oh, it will be fine,” said Talula. “No, no, no it won’t be bally fine,” said Malcolm, his agitation rising. “If the bally penny board bally finds out that I was bally left alone with a bally volunteras Mom and Dad will get a bally big FINE that’s what’s going to bally happen!” “Alright, Alright, I’ll go call her,” Talula motioned with her arms for Malcolm to simmer down. “Relax.” She went into the kitchen. Malcolm heard her operating a comm-console. Soon enough she returned. “Mom will be home soon,” said Talula as she turned on the holo to her favorite show. “Oh, not Rainbow Surfers,” said Malcolm. “Don’t knock it till you see it,” she said. “Meanwhile, what in the world does ‘bally,’ mean?” “Mm?” he said “Oh I have no idea. I picked the word out of one of Mom’s period pieces and I use it instead of profanity. Lots of pennies have words like that. My sister has ‘whomps.’ Natalie says: ‘holy macanoli.’ I’ve heard my friend Alex say ‘frell’ once or twice.” “Yeah, but you don’t need to do that here,” said Talula. “You’re safe in this house. Go ahead man, swear to your heart’s content.” “No way,” said Malcolm. “Do it,” she said. “You know you want to.” “I don’t want to so I won’t do it,” said Malcolm. Talula got right next to his face. “Give in Malcolm…” she said in her sinister voice. “Come to the dark side, we have swearing and candies and sexy times. You know you want to.” “Your words are empty air,” said Malcolm, directly quoting Age of Legends. To Malcolm’s surprise, he found himself liking the show. “No problems whatsoever,” the Doctor assured Alison as she left the exam room with Samantha “There won’t even be a scar.” “Oh, thank you so much,” said Alison. “Thank you, Doctor,” echoed Samantha, sporting a patch filled with nano-machines upon her brow. “You were a VERY good girl, Samantha,” said a now fully calm Alison as she led her child to the receptionist’s desk. “I think we’ve had enough excitement for one…Maggie?” To her confusion, Maggie Thornton was standing at the receptionist’s desk. “Maggie, did you bring Malcolm?” asked Alsion. “Aly,” Maggie turned to Alison. “What…Why would I do that? I’m here to pick up a medical report…Did I miss a call?” she pulled out her phone. “No, Maggie, I had to rush out…Oh my god WHAT HAVE I DONE!” Alison whipped out her own government issued phone that was uploaded with remote monitoring software applications. “What, what’s going on?” asked Maggie. “I had to rush Samantha here for an injury and I left Malcolm at YOUR house without asking Talula if you were home. Oh GOD we’ll be fined so much!” She hammered away furiously on her phone in a rush to activate the audio monitoring app. Maggie placed her hand on her friend’s shoulders. “Aly,” she said in a gentle voice. “Breath in through the nose *sniiiiiif* out through the mouth *siiiiiigh* You are no good to anyone in panic mode.” Aly obeyed and calmed down. Then her phone found the frequency of Malcolm’s collar. “Um, Talula,” his voice came through the phone, “Why aren’t you wearing underwear?” Both women screamed. “I like to feel the breeze between my knees” said Talula. She had offered to show Malcolm her fresh cane marks and before Malcolm could agree or object, she had bent herself over the coffee table and pulled up her skirt. “And you actually asked for those,” asked a disbelieving Malcolm. “Yeah, I bratted out for them, I looooooove the cane when master does it right,” said the girl in a sultry tone that Malcolm found disturbing coming from a (physically) five year old girl (that and the fact that she just called her dad ‘master,’ yeesh creepy). “Do you want to spank me?” she giggled. “I better wait until your mom gets here,” he said. “Go ahead,” she wiggled her bottom more. “No,” he said. He did like the idea of spanking her, in retribution for the ladder incident of course (he told himself), but he knew regulation forbid it without proper permission. “If you don’t I’ll tell my mom that you did,” Talula smiled menacingly. Malcolm gagged with shock. “But…But…But…” he stammered. “I’m teasing you,” she laughed, finally standing up. “DON’T JOKE LIKE THAT!” exclaimed Malcolm. “Easy,” said Talula. “It wasn’t funny,” said Malcolm. “Do you have any idea what the protocol is for punishing a penny who makes sexual advances on another penny, or even worse a volunteras?” “No,” said Talula. “Eighteen with the cane,” he said, “twenty with the belt, followed by a special punishment enema solution that most folks call ‘paino-draino!’” “Yeew,” said Talula. “And THAT is only if the contact was invited,” he said. “If it is uninvited, I go straight to penny court!” he took some time to catch his breath from all the declaring “Hey, what does bratted…out mean?” asked Malcolm “I put a worm on top of dad’s phone so that when he picked it up he had to touch the worm too,” she said as she got back on the sofa. “In the industry, we call a sub like me a brat.” “So, when you dropped the ladder on our house…” said Malcolm. “Okay, that I didn’t do on purpose,” she confessed. “But did you enjoy the caning you got?” he asked. “No, that was not an erotic caning, that was a punishment caning. And I really deserved it,” her voice fell. “If I had just been a bit more SMART…Dad wouldn’t have had to pay so much in damages...*sigh*…I deserved every stroke.” She lay down on the sofa and felt her bottom. Malcolm instinctively averted his eyes when her skirt fell aside. “But I love the cane so much,” she continued. “Nothing makes me feel like I deserve a good fucking more.” “How…” Malcolm was still averting his eyes from her exposure, “could you possibly associate the cane with sex?” “Simple,” said Talula, “Only naughty girls have sex and naughty girls must get spanked. If I have sex I need to get a spanking, so I might as well get the spanking first so I am entitled to the sex.” “Hm,” said Malcolm. “Malcolm, it’s okay, you can look at my cunny,” she said. Malcolm gagged in shock again. “No…no I don’t think so,” he continued to avert his eyes. “Come ON Malcolm,” said Talula as she finally sat up. “You’re safe here, your so called mom can’t hear you. You can be yourself. And you can’t tell me you don’t miss sex.” “You can’t miss something you never had,” Malcolm turned bitter. “What?” she asked, “you’re a virgin? How old were you when you were sent down?” “Twenty-four,” Malcolm said. “Twenty four years spent never knowing a woman’s warmth.” He got off the couch and started to pace as he talked. “You see, back in middle school every male classmate loved abusing me. And when I got into a very public argument with the popular girl about how much bunk astrology is, none of the girls would touch me, that continued all the way into HIGH SCHOOL! But then it was time for college and college is where you have sex right? WRONG! My scholarship didn’t pay for everything, so to offset the student loans I had to take out, I had to get a job in addition to my monumental school work. I was too busy to even THINK about having sex, but I knew it would all be worth it when I graduated. RIGHT? BECAUSE LOOK AT ME NOW! All my hard work and sacrifice really paid off because now I am a pathetic, filthy, BROKEN, WORTHLESS LITTLE PENNY!” He fell to his knees. “No dignity, no hope, no way out for twelve years, Minimum. I can’t even tell the girl I love that I love her.” He looked up, Talula was standing over him. She knelt down and hugged him. Then she took his hand and moved it close to her- “Whoa,” said Malcolm as he yanked his hand back, “What are you doing?” “What you need me to do,” she said as she raised her skirt. “NO! NO! No!” said Malcolm has he crab walked backwards. “Come on, Malcolm,” she said as she pursued on all fours. “What’s your heart really telling you?” “All units fall back,” he answered. He hit the wall. “You’re free here Malcolm,” Talula had him cornered. “You can finally do whatever you want.” “I DON’T WANT TO HURT NATALIE!” the boy exclaimed. Talula finally paused. “You don’t?” she asked. “How can I?” asked Malcolm. “Oh,” said Talula as she got up and retreated to a respectful distance, “When you said ‘girl you loved,’ I thought you meant me…” “I’ve told you about me and Natalie several times,” he said. “Yeah, but you were always nice to me,” she said, “and every time I’ve met Natalie she was all mean and bossy. I thought she was just bossing you into things.” “She’s mean and bossy with you because you are always all over me right in front of her,” explained Malcolm. “If you’d of laid off of me, she’d be nice to you.” “You really love her?” asked Talula. Malcolm sighed “Yeah I do,” he admitted. “Well...if you weren’t in love with Natalie...then would you want to...ya know?” she asked. “Talula, how do I put this...” said Malcolm, “...I’m not into kids.” “What?” asked Talula. “but you are a kid.” “Yeah but turning me into a kid didn’t turn me into a pedophile,” said Malcolm. “I’m REALLY not turn on by six year old girls.” “But I’m five,” said Talula. “That’s not better,” said Malcolm. “Okay what if you weren’t in love with Natalie and I was nineteen with great tits?” asked Talula. “Then we could talk,” said Malcolm. “Oh we wouldn’t do much talking,” said Talula. “STOP DOING THAT,” said Malcolm. They both laughed. After a bit of a pause, she sat down next to him, her arms around her knees. They were now both leaning against the living room wall. “Why can’t you tell her you love her?” she asked. “Because I’m a penny,” said Malcolm. “I’m probably going to get paroled two to three cycles before her. If I include that it is twelve years that we cannot date and eighteen until we can LEGALLY get physical. And I don’t even know if the law is on our side. I’m living in constant fear that one day we’ll be called up before the principal and she will tell us ‘pennies don’t get to love,’ and force us to break up. There are so many things that can go wrong, and I can’t stand the idea of hurting her.” “Being honest with her won’t hurt her,” said Talula. “The worst thing you can do with love is deny it.” “Don’t give me platitudes,” said Malcolm. “You can’t just-” he was interrupted by a vigorous knock at the door. Both children jumped to their feet. “Oh, my mom’s home,” said Talula. The door swung open and Alison charged in and took Malcolm by the arm. She was followed quickly by Magnolia, clearly distressed. “We’re going,” said Alison. “We were just-” Malcolm tried to explain. “We heard everything,” said Alison. “What!” Malcolm and Talula exclaimed. “You WEREN’T out of range for audio surveillance,” Alison called back to Talula as she marched Malcolm out the door. “How could you,” asked Magnolia as she grabbed her ‘daughter’ by her shoulders. “I’m sorry,” said Talula, “I thought-” “DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT YOU’VE DONE!” “Uh,” the girl was getting more scared. “YOU’RE A VOLUNTERAS, HE’S A PENNY, YOU OUT RANK HIM! THAT MAKES IT STATUTORY!” Horror filled Talula’s heart. “I don’t know what to do,” said Thornton Setter. “Didn’t you explain the rules to her,” asked Jet. The two stood in Jet’s garage. Thornton had come over to apologize. “I thought I had,” said Thornton. “I should have gone with my instincts and said no when she asked for the erotic play licence,” said Thornton. “Why didn’t you?” asked Jet. “My affection for her was too strong, I let her influence me,” Thornton signed. “Out of curiosity,” asked Jet as he reached into his fridge and produced two birch beers. “How’s her relationship with her own parents?” He handed one of the bottles to Thornton “Practically gone,” said Thornton,”You wouldn’t have something stronger would you,” he accepted the bottle. “Ali is a recovered alcoholic...” said Jet. “Right! Of course. How could I forget,” he opened the bottle and took a swig. “You see Talula’s mother and father were married proper, she was a homemaker and he was in a sales position that kept him away from home for long stretches. He as also a shameless philanderer. All those trips away from home included a slew of one night stands. Her mother knew about them and hid how much they were driving her crazy. She acquired the delusion that if they became parents, he would shape right up and she started pressuring him to go in for a parenting licence with her.” He took another swig. “Well, her mother finally wore him down and he relented. She got pregnant, but the further down her pregnancy she got the more she failed to realise how much he didn’t want to be a father at all. When Talula was one year old he spilt permanently. Her mother was devastated and she had to get two jobs to cover the expenses.” “Couldn’t she get child support?” asked Jet. “He relocated constantly, staying one step a head of lawyers,” said Thornton. “Talula’s mother, meanwhile, formed an unnatural resentment towards ‘the child that couldn’t save her marriage’ and started taking out her frustrations on Talula. Talula in turn developed a resentment for the mother that was rarely at home and never had anything good to say when she was there. The daughter became sexually active early as a rebellion against her mother. By the time she turned eighteen her mother had enough and kicked her out of the house.” Thornton sighed and took another swig. “With poor grades and no prospects, Talula bounced from boyfriend to boyfriend until they got sick of her. Then I met her in a fetish club. I thought I could make something out of her.” “Thornton,” said Jet, “You can’t fix neglect and abuse with indulgence.” “I know, I know that,” said Thornton. “I WILL do right by Talula, I am determined to that.” “Well doing right be a child doesn’t always mean keeping them happy,” said Jet. “You gotta buckle down and get ready to guide her to the right choices whether she likes you or not.” “I will Jet,” promised Thornton. “This time I will do it right.” “Have you thought about taking on another child?” asked Jet. “Maybe learning to share with a sibling would help her.” “What?” asked Thornton. “After everything that has happened? Who would trust their child with...” Both of their portable comms flashed. They looked at them simultaneously. “Well,” said Jet, “The hearing is tomorrow.” Jaydee and Natalie obediently consumed the morning groatma in between bites of banana and apple to abate the taste. “Natalie, Jaydee,” their mother addressed them. “After school today we’re going to spend the afternoon with the Martins.” Both of the girls faces lit up “We will?” they asked “Yes, but Natalie you won’t see Malcolm at school today,” said ‘Mommy.’ “What, why not?” Natalie asked, suddenly wary. “He has to go to a hearing this morning,” said Mommy. “What! What did he do?” Natalie was shocked. “Oh, he didn’t do anything, he’s not in trouble,” assured Mommy. “He’s a witness.” When recess came, Samantha lead Jaydee and Natalie under the jungle gym for privacy. “So what happened already?” demanded Natalie once they thought they were away from prying ears. “Talula came on to Malcolm, hard,” said Samantha. “What did Malcolm do!” shouted Natalie. “He said ‘no’ until she stopped coming onto him,” said Samantha. “Mom got there and split the whole thing up.” “So, nothing happened?” asked Natalie. Samantha put her hand on Natalie’s shoulder. “Nothing you would need to worry about,” said Samantha. Natalie sighed with relief. “So why isn’t he here today?” asked Jaydee. “Talula’s hearing,” said Samantha. “Coming onto a penny is illegal. She’ll probably get probation.” “What about Malcolm,” asked Natalie. “Will anything happen to him?” “Naw he’s not being charged with anything,” assured Samantha. “They’ve got him recorded doing nothing but saying ‘no’ to loli sex. He’s in the clear.” “LOLI-sex?” asked a voice from the gang way above them. They heard a body slide down the slide and Rinni rounded the bend and confronted them. “Loli-sex?” she asked again. “Yeah, you know,” said Samantha. “Sex with a loli.” “A ‘loli’ is a fictional representation of a female child,” insisted Rinni. “NOT a real child.” “Are you sure,” asked Samantha. “Because every time I have heard it was about a V getting it on.” “That is only in the westernized context,” said Rinni. “In the original Nihongo ‘loli’ and ‘shota’ refer to girls and boys (respectively) as characters in fiction. It was the Japanese who first defined the terms.” “But ‘loli’ comes from Lolita, the novel about a man who seduces an underage girl. It was written by a Russian in English and published in France,” pointed out Natalie (finally having a chance to utilize that elective she took on women in literature). “If we’re going by nationality, this is going to get very convoluted.” Rinni gave an angry sigh. “Okay,” she said, “how about this...” Steven and Anthony noticed a crowd of about eight pennies around the jungle gym. “What’s going on over there?” asked Anthony. “I don’t know,” said Steven. They raced to the jungle gym and walked up to the gang plank overlooking what was apparently the center of the action. On one side sat Rinni, on the other side sat Jaydee, Samantha, and Natalie. In between the two sat Nancy (former prosecuting attorney, busted for covering up exculpatory evidence, five to eight cycles age five through ten, fourth cycle). "We agree that while the term Hentai or Perverted children is the more accurate description, the term Loli was used prior to the Japanese use and is accurate for current usage but that Shota, or Shotaro, or Shoutarou does not have the same form of meaning. Are both parties satisfied?” “I am,” said Samantha as she put forth her hand. “Fine,” said Rinni as she accepted the hand. “I think my girl just spent her entire recess arguing terminology,” said Anthony as he dispersed with the children. Rinni ran up to him and wrapped herself around his right arm. “It was important,” she said. “This way I can still call you 'My Little Shota' and not get in trouble!" After school, Jennifer lead her ‘daughters’ and Samantha back to the Martin household. “Hey Jen, girls” said Alison greeting them at the door. “Natalie,” Alison knelt down to talk to the girls, “Malcolm is upstairs and he wants to talk with you.” Natalie thanked her and proceeded up the stairs. “Samantha, Jaydee, why don’t you two go play outside?” Even with Samantha assuring her that everything was okay, Natalie still had some trepidation as she climbed the stairs, walked down the hall and opened the door to Samantha and Malcolm’s room. Malcolm was pacing back and forth, wearing the same shirt and tie she had seen him in at the Moley’s dinner party. He stopped when they made eye contact. “Hey,” he said. “Hey,” she said. “So, how much do you know?” he asked. “Samantha told me that Talula came on to you and you said no,” said Natalie. “Well, That is pretty much how it went,” said Malcolm. “I wanted to tell you myself.” they both sat on the bed and Malcolm gave her an abridged but accurate account of what happened with him and Talula, the only details he made no mention of was his explanation to Talula about how much he cared about Natalie. “...then mom burst in because even though Talula thought we were out of range for my collar we weren’t and she had heard everything, yanked me out of there and that was the end of that.” “And that’s all?” asked Natalie. “Yep, pretty much,” said Malcolm Natalie hugged Malcolm. “I’m so glad,” she said. “I really didn’t like her. What happened at the hearing?” “I’ll spare you the parliamentary details,” said Malcolm. “We all showed up in court dressed in our finest. My Mom told the court what happened, I gave my account, we listened to the recording from my collar, and Judge Spode... ''“Talula Setter,” said the Judge. “You will rise.” She stood up in the dock.  Malcolm thought that if one were to replace Judge Spode’s head with a vertical potato with a pencil mustache, no one would notice the difference.  “Miss Setter,” said Spode, “Silencing your comm system to prevent an interruption, lying about the location of your parents, exposing yourself, threatening an unfounded accusation to extort favors, your behavior is unacceptable. If you didn’t stop when the boy said no, I’d have you over my lap right now for a blistering! And straight to Penny status from there! Thank your lucky stars that your moral sense rallied itself at the eleventh hour. As such, I find you guilty of lewd conduct and reckless endangerment. I sentence you to two months probation, three sessions of automated discipline, a mandatory forty hours of counseling, and I revoke your erotic play licence for the remainder of this cycle.” '' “Does automated discipline mean the meat grinders?” asked Natalie. “Yup, her first session is next week,” said Malcolm. “It won’t be as bad as a session you or I would get and it is much better then a blistering, but she’s gonna come home in tears I promise you.” Natalie wrapped her arms around Malcolm again. “I was soooo worried she had gotten you into trouble again,” she said. “I’m so glad you said no.” “You’re not the only one,” said Malcolm. “Think about it. If I had cheated on you with Talula, then you would never speak to me again, and Jaydee would probably start having problems with Samantha so Samantha would turn against me, and my mom would never forgive me because watching you and me are better than her holo-stories. Dad would probably have nothing but disappointment for me too. All in all if I had done anything with Talula I would have turned both your family and my own family against me. “Don’t worry,” said Malcolm as he hugged her back. “It will take more than a promiscuous five year old to get me away from you.” Natalie snorted. “Well it BETTER!” she said and she turned her head toward his. Their eyes met. They kissed. “Natalie to be honest it was actually pretty easy,” said Malcolm. “There wasn’t really a choice for me.” “Really,” asked Natalie. “Natalie,” said Malcolm, “There was a five year old girl coming on to me, I have never been so scared in my life!” “Ooooh,” said Natalie. “I didn’t think about it like that.” “I mean if a five year old boy started asking you to touch his penis-” “EW!” cried Natalie. “Exactly,” said Malcolm. “That is exactly where my head was at. I mean I hadn’t actually THOUGHT about sex since I was sent down.” “Come to think of it,” mused Natalie, “I haven’t either.” Malcolm leaned back into a relaxed position sitting against the headboard and Natalie did the same. “I mean, “ she continued, “I still get embarrassed when mommy or Mrs. Fesse takes off my clothes, but I hadn’t really thought about sex in anything but the ‘ew’ context.” “I think it’s because we don’t respond to each other's pheromones the way we would if we were adults,” said Malcolm. “There’s no sexual component to our lives beyond what our parents teach us about shame.” “So...” said Natalie, “You’re not attracted to me sexually?” “Um, I guess not,” said Malcolm. “I mean sex doesn’t even need to enter into it, you’re pretty and funny and smart and I can’t not have a good time when I am with you. How could anyone NOT like you.” “Thank you,” Natalie’s face lit up, “And you’re smart and sweet and honest and most importantly,” she wrapped her arms around him and did not let go, “I know I can trust you.” They cuddled for five seconds before Natalie said: “Wait a minute, if nothing here is about sex, why do you always do the evil giggle and blush when I loose at PP&C?” “I-uh,” Malcolm blushed again, “I guess...” “You like seeing me naked...?” said Natalie. “Well,” Malcolm thought for a moment and came up with an answer on the spot. “There’s a difference between being naughty and being sexy. It’s always fun to be naughty.” “Ah,” said Natalie, “Well don’t get too naughty.” “Oh,” said Malcolm, “You don’t have to tell me twice.” “Yeah,” said Natalie, “I mean, we’re six here!” “I know,” said Malcolm, “When I was six I wasn’t thinking about sex, I was thinking about starships and Age of Legends games and Metarector toys.” “And I was thinking about painting and my dog and Michael Sembollo music,” said Natalie. “Who?” asked Malcolm. “Meh, they don’t even remember him back on earth,” said Natalie. “So we agree then,” said Malcolm. “We’re not gonna have sex until we’re all legal and not kids anymore.” “And how,” said Natalie. “And even if we did,” said Malcolm, “the mics in our collars would rat us out to our parents.” “Right,” said Natalie, “I’m still forgetting about those.” She sighed. “These mics ruin a lot of what it means to be a kid.” “Yeah,” said Malcolm, “you can’t get into wacky high jinks when you’re under twenty four hour audio surveillance.” “Which is really too bad,” said Natalie, “ because wacky high jinks was pretty much my thing when I was a kid. I was all over the place.” An unexpected knock surprised them both. They stopped cuddling and jumped to opposite ends of the bed. “Mal, Nat,” said Samantha as she opened the door (with Jaydee close behind her), “You two need to come down now and see this.” She giggled as she and Jaydee dashed away and down the stairs. Malcolm and Natalie regarded each other, shrugged, and left the room. Half way down the stairs, they found Mrs. Setter holding Talula in front of her in the living room. Natalie grew visibly colder and she slowed down her pace down the stairs. Talula was still wearing the black formal dress with the old style lace and petticoats she had worn to court. The colored dye had been washed out of her hair to reveal her natural black color. Mommy and Aunt Jen were sitting on the couch and Samantha and Jaydee were sharing the big chair. “Natalie,” said Mrs. Setter, “Talula would like to talk with you.” The V-girl stepped forward. “Natalie...” she said. Natalie walked right up to her standing at full height with her arms crossed. Talula cringed a bit. “I feel really no-cool about coming on to your boyfriend and all and...I...I only did it because I thought you were bossing him into things-” “I wasn’t,” Natalie stated. “I know that now!” said Talula. “So I...I really feel like I need a spanking from you.” It was all that Malcolm could do to contain his excitement. “You do?” asked Natalie. “Yeah, I do,” said Talula. Natalie thought about it for a bit. On one hand, she was already tossing around the idea of how much she would like to spank Talula in her head. On the other hand, she was asking for it, which kind of took the fun out of it. “Well,” asked Talula. “Mommy,” Natalie turned towards her mother. “It’s alright with me, Natalie,” said her mother. “Okay,” said Natalie. Malcolm felt his heart beat faster. Aunt Jen and Mom cleared the couch and motioned Natalie to take a seat. Aunt Jen took the hairbrush out of her purse. Talula crept closer to Natalie. Malcolm took up a position in the other big chair on Natalie’s right side (it would give him a good view of Talula’s bottom). Talula crawled over Natalie’s lap as soon as she was down the petti coats made her skit stick right up. Mrs. Setter sat down on Natalie’s right side to hold Talula’s hand. Natalie had a bit of trouble sorting through Talula’s petticoats and when she finally got down to her underwear... “What is this?” asked Natalie. Talula was wearing lacy bloomers that were buttoned to her high socks and camisole. “Dad kind of has a thing for Victorian clothes,” explained Talula. “And he wants a layer of complicated underthings between me and boys. “Well how do I...is this string...” Natalie was confused as to how to bare the five year old’s bottom. Mrs. Setter reached over and undid the waist buttons in a few quick strokes. “Okay,” said Natalie. Her mommy handed her the hair brush. She tapped it on Talula’s bottom. “I think you need thirty spanks,” said Natalie. “I think twenty would be more appropriate,” directed Aunt Jen, who stood behind the couch. “Okay twenty,” she raised her arm high and splatted five fast spanks on Talula’s bottom with the energetic abandon of a child. “YEEEEAAAAAAH!” shrieked Talula. “Not so fast, Natalie,” directed Aunt Jen. “You’re loosing accuracy and going too wide. One spank at a time.” “Yes, mommy,” said Natalie. She aimed and dropped a good hard spank right on Talula’s right cheek. Talula clenched her mommy’s hands and Natalie dropped another hard one on the left side, forcing a whimper out of her. “Now Talula,” *Spank!* “Malcolm is MY man.” *Spank!* “I told you this before.” *Spank!* “I made it very clear. But you only hear what you want to hear.” *Spank! Spank!* By now Talula was whimpering and kicking her black shoes into the air with each strike. “I’m sorry!” insisted Talula. “Oh, I’ll MAKE you sorry,” promised Natalie. *SPANK!SPANK!SPANK!* “Last five. Five! *SPANK!* Four! *SPANK!* Three! *SPANK!* Two! *SPANK!* And a great big ONE! *SPANK!* The final spank resounded through the room. Talula’s tears flowed at a steady trickle. “Are we going to be trying to move in on my man again?” asked Natalie. “No,” said Talula. the volunteras rose from the couch and her mother set to re buttoning her underclothes. Once that was finished Talula sought out Natalie (who had hopped off the couch and was playing upstairs with the rest of the kids). Talula asked her to come outside and Natalie obliged. “I really am sorry,” she said when she and the penny were alone in the hall. Natalie’s first impulse was a sarcastic response, but before Natalie could answer, Talula grabbed the bigger girl into a tight hug. Natalie patted Talula’s back awkwardly. “Just...”said Natalie, “just...” Natalie thought about how the girl was doomed to those machines for three sessions and thought: Alright, if she hasn’t learned her lesson, she’s going to soon. Natalie hugged Talula back. “It’s okay,” she said, “just find your own man.” “You’re really lucky,” said Talula. “Malcolm is the nicest guy I ever met.” “I know,” said Natalie Talula dragged her feet up the stairs of her house. Getting a spanking from Natalie hadn’t given her the quite the closure she was expecting, and she still had the Spank Master to ‘look forward to’ this weekend. She pushed open the door to her room and was surprised to find that her bed hand been replaced with stacked bunk beds. “Mommy,” she called. “What happened to my bed?” Magnolia Setter came up the stairs. “That’s the new bed for your new sister,” answered Magnolia. “WHAT!” exclaimed Talula. “Nobody told ME!” “We told you two separate times,” answered Mommy. “Each time you said ‘yeah, whatever,’ and went back to watching holos.” “You can’t tell me things while I’m watching holo!” said Talula. “Well, young lady, you are going to have to learn to pay better attention,” said Mommy. They heard the sound of a car pulling into the driveway. “That will be your Father with her now. I expect you to behave yourself.” Mommy left Talula to mull things over. Talula went back into her room and nearly slammed the door, but then restrained herself and just closed it quietly. She stomped around the room and managed to avoid shouting in frustration about how unfair all this was. When she calmed down a bit she opened the door. Okay, she thought, Maybe this won’t be SO bad. She stepped into the hallway. Only to be knocked back into the room and onto her back by something moving too fast for her too see. She looked up from where she lay to see a skinny, tanned twelve year old medicalos girl standing on the top bunk like Captain Morgan. “THIS BUNK IS THE SOVEREIGN PROPERTY OF EDWARD WONG HAU PEPELU TIVRUSKY THE FOURTH!” Ed looked down at Talula. “Feel free to bow.” “So sicking Ed on her was your idea?” asked Alison. “I suggested it to Thornton last night,” said Jet. “Thornton was actually disposed to the idea, he wanted to do more observation on Ed anyway.” “Wait, how does Thornton know Ed?” asked Alison. “He’s her shrink,” said Jet. “Her originally assigned parents didn’t know WHAT to do with her.” “But why did you suggest it?” asked Alison. “It just occured to me,” said Jet, “that sometimes the only way to teach someone the importance of responsibility is to expose them to someone VERY irresponsible. That or I thought it would be funny as hell. Take your pick.” THE END
 * SSPPAANNKK!*
 * THWACK!*
 * THWACK!*
 * THWACK! THWACK!* “SOOOOOOOOOORREEEEEEEEY!” *THWACK! THWACK!” YEEEEAAAAH!”
 * THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!* Talula bit into the fabric her mommy’s dress in a vain attempt to stem the pain. She sobbed through gritted teeth. * THWACK! THWACK! THWACK!* With the twelfth stroke from Jet, she released her jaw in one great ear splitting yell.
 * THWACK!*
 * THWACK!* This time the middle of the thigh.
 * HUUUUUUURRT!”
 * THWACK!* In the left knee hallow.
 * THWACK!*
 * THWACK!*
 * THWACK!*
 * SPLAT!SPLAT!SPLAT!SPLAT!SPLAT!*